Creepy Mistakes Men Make

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I’ve written here several times before about creepiness (mostly in jest), about what it is and how guys can avoid being labeled as such.  In all seriousness, though, coming off as creepy is a huge problem that some men have that they don’t even realize they do.  Creepiness is the kiss of death for men; if there’s anything you don’t want happening, it’s being labeled “creepy”.  It doesn’t matter if you’re rich, handsome, and/or super successful, if a woman labels you a creep, that’s it for you – there’s no chance she (and most likely any of her friends) will ever give you a chance again.  Avoid running this risk by following the tips below!

1) Keep your (and give them their) personal space!  “Gimme 50 feet!”  This is what a girl will be saying if you don’t chill and take a step back when first meeting her.  Some guys don’t realize that they’re committing this major faux pas when first meeting women, and then wonder why women are instantly turned off by them.  When you first meet a woman, if you are all up in her space, even if you are hot sh*t, most will not appreciate it, and will instantly label you as creepy.

A good rule of thumb you can follow to ensure you aren’t encroaching on anyone’s personal space is to keep the same distance between yourself and females as you would with your guy friends.  Generally speaking, keep about arm’s length distance when talking to someone new – do NOT be up in their face, leaning in as if you are about to kiss them!  Women find this very disconcerting and a major turn-off, and it won’t matter if you’re doing everything else “right” if you do this one thing wrong!

2) No intrusive, “serious” questions and topics.  You’re at a friend’s party and chatting up a cute girl.  Somehow, the conversation has taken a more serious turn, and you find yourself talking about your family history, your alcoholic uncle, your parent’s messy divorce, and how you almost ended up in therapy in college after a very bad summer.  You then decide to switch gears and ask her about her family, what happened with her last break-up, and if her parents are still together and how her relationship is with them.  Suddenly, she asks to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, and when she gets out, she seems to be avoiding you at all costs.

But, “I thought we were having such a good time!” you think.  “We were bonding so well.  I haven’t had a connection like that in awhile!  Why is she blowing me off now?”  When you first meet someone, especially in a social setting, it is not the appropriate place to be discussing heavy, “weighty” topics, stuff you should be saving for friends, family, a long-term girlfriend, or your therapist.  Not saying you should never open up about more serious topics, but when you’re out trying to meet new girls, that is not the time or place for it.  Keep it fun, light, and save the serious talk for your fourth or fifth date – turning on the waterworks during a first meeting is not only a moodkiller, it also guarantees there won’t be a first date!

3) Do NOT be touchy-feely when you first meet them.  Don’t be the slimeball guy women try to escape from at the club by being too handsy.  Same goes for when you are dancing with them (I’ll explain this more in a bit).  The majority of women do not appreciate having their boobs or asses grabbed, body parts rubbed, or basically being assaulted by a man when they first meet them.  You can test the waters of being physically flirty after she has responded to your verbal flirtation well (laughing, tilting her head when conversing, being physically flirty herself) by slowly increasing physical contact, but only after she has reciprocated with signs of interest.  I know this can be a tricky, gray area, but a rule of thumb is that if a woman has shown no signs of interest in you yet, do NOT be touchy-feely with her!  (If she is interested, she will get closer/make a physical move/increase her physical contact, trust me!  After she has, that opens the door for you to do the same.  I’ll be writing a more in-depth article on this topic very soon!)

When dancing with a woman at a club, it can be tricky on what level of physical contact you should have without crossing the line into creeper territory.  A good rule of thumb is to NOT grab her ass or boobs (or any other private parts!) while on the dance floor, especially when you’ve just met her!  Let her escalate the level of physical contact you have on the dance floor.  If she’s interested, she will show it (by moving closer to you, bumping against you intentionally while dancing, grabbing your hands and placing it on your waist, etc.).

4) Don’t take her niceness as a sign of interest.  Another thing that many men can be clueless about is when a woman is actually interested, and when she is just being nice.  They take her niceness as interest right off the bat, and jump from 0 to 60 with the physical contact.  Women, for the most part, will be nice to a man even if she is not interested in him.  She’s not necessarily trying to be a tease, per se, she may just be nice and talkative with everyone, and therefore, you shouldn’t assume that she wants to jump your bones just because she is talking to you.  If you are unsure if she’s interested, test by flirting with her.  Bust her balls.  Tease her, and if she responds positively (by laughing, hitting you playfully, cocking her head when talking to you), then she may be interested.  If you ask for her number and she obliges, that’s another good sign (but not surefire).  If you mention hanging out one-on-one in the future and she doesn’t deflect (by saying something such as, “I have a boyfriend,” or, “I’m really busy, but let me call you,” or, “My dog just died, now isn’t such a good time”), that’s also another good sign.  Once you’ve done this enough, you’ll become better at reading the “signs” women give that they’re interested without jumping the gun, assuming interest where there isn’t any (yet), and then making premature physical moves that can screw up your chances in the long run.

5) Keep your appearance tidy.  This is a no-brainer.  Keep your appearance tidy and always try to put your best foot forward.  Good manners and a great demeanor won’t help if you look like a hobo or like you haven’t showered in ten days.  Matted, dirty hair; dirty, holey clothes; and a sloppy, “I just don’t care how I look” look belong in the ’90’s and won’t make the ladies come a runnin’, so take care of your appearance and take pride in how you look!

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